I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
