I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
