See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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