I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
