If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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