4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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