Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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