But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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