I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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