Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
