just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
