what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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