I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
