friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
