So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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