I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
