Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
