I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Holy shit dude........stairs
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