I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
