another moral hangover. fuck.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
