Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
