my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
