I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
