Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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