I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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