My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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