oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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