How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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