420 ftw
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
