i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
