Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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