I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
