How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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