dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize