I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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