Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
