Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
