Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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