I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
