Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
