yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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