ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
