Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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