Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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