she looked like the bat from fern gully.
one might say we're banned from that church
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
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Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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