Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
