do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I am morally bankrupt
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
