I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
