ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
