p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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