Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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