so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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