I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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