there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
