dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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