I want to have your abortion
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
