Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
