if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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