my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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