Where did you get a picture of my penis
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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