I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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