i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sober January is a disaster.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have fence marks all over my body
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
