Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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