when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
