she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
