Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
