I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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