And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You can't just leave with hair like that
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
