This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
