Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
