I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
