Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
