Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I take back everything I said about communal showers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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