Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
