the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
