You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
