Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
