yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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