you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
