it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
