I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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