My brain says no but my pants say off.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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